I Am…Becoming A Wife

Years ago I started an identity series titled I Am. This year is dedicated to more posts from that series:  

I Am (Introduction)

I Am…Beloved 

The Woman I Am 

I Am…Christian

I Am…Daughter

I Am…Creative

I Am…Millennial

I Am…African

I Am…Kenyan

An ode to my husband. Just because.

Our marriage is now in its kindergarten years. Someone asked me what this stage of marriage is like and the first thing that came to mind was how my best years of school were my kindergarten ones. The second thing was a plane that’s cruising along. 

The first years of our marriage were spent gaining altitude but now we’re in a season where we’re cruising. Like any other couple, we experience our bouts of turbulence here and there. But there’s a settling we’ve grown into that makes for smoother navigation. 

When I was single, God asked me more than once – what do you want (in a husband)? The first time the question came, it almost felt like a trick question. Like any answer I would give would be faulty in some way. So I hesitated. I knew God wasn’t trying to trick me. But I also knew that there’s nothing I could come up with that would beat what God had in mind for me. 

So every time He would ask, my response would be – give me Your best for me. 

I think that was the point of His question. To stir up this prayer within my heart – give me Your best for me. What was once my intercession is now my reality. 

When I look at my marriage so far, I can truly say I have God’s best for me. 

A lot is said about great men and the women behind them. One day I’ll tell the story of how my husband has carried my dreams on his shoulders as though they were his own. If there is greatness to be found in me, the role he has played in its existence cannot be understated. 

I was chatting with a friend about the realities of building careers in the creative industry and how we wouldn’t be able to do it without the support of our husbands. It takes a certain level of crazy to take on a creative career. It takes an even greater level of crazy to rally behind a partner doing so. Our husbands are our sponsors in so many ways. Some day we’ll find adequate words to thank them. 

My husband is my champion. He defends me in the spirit and in the flesh. He embodies what it means to be a covering. Headship is not a power play for him. He lays down his life for me in ways I couldn’t even begin to explain. 

I’ve never met a person who so diligently takes on life. My husband challenges me to be better without saying a single word. He will go the extra mile to honour his word. Even his word to himself. 

Our marriage is a place where intellect and silliness thrive together. We could be talking about the intricacies of global politics one minute and chuckling over a parenting meme the next. We have inside jokes that our little one has become an effortless contributor to. Must be something in our genes.

Marriage has been my place of belonging. My husband is my person. He’s my tea buddy,  business partner, chocolate stash filler and resident bug killer all rolled up into one. He’s my lover and friend. 

There’s a lot being said about marriage these days. Much of it is some version of what a useless, terrible thing it is. 

I’m here to put my stake in the ground and say – it can be a treasured, beautiful thing.

My husband is my life partner. We do life together. The good, the bad and the ugly together. We’ve been through every one of those and we’ve emerged better for it. That’s the thing about doing marriage God’s way – He takes all you are and all you have and makes it beautiful. Not perfect. Beautiful. There’s beauty to be found in the cracks of imperfection too. 

I love couple goals done right because they point us to testimonies of healthy, working marriages. Beautiful stories that remind us that marriage is still worth fighting for even when so many are understandably too jaded to see its value. 

But the thing about couple goals, the thing that we need to remember is – what you see in a couple is something they’ve grown into over time. Nobody becomes a good spouse overnight. We grow into it. We spend the rest of our lives growing into it. 

Sometimes one or both spouses stop growing. Sometimes, one or both spouses never start. It’s a reality even among Christians and a tragic outcome for all. But just because it didn’t work for them doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for anyone. There are plenty of people diligently working to make their marriages a healthy, wonderful space for one another. 

In a sermon, Bishop T.D. Jakes put it it this way – when you say I do, you’re graciously given the title of husband or wife; then you spend the rest of your life becoming it. 

On the day I got married, I was given the title wife. 

Now I get to spend the rest of my days becoming a wife. 

It’s one of my most sacred privileges. 

I am eternally thankful for God’s best for me. 

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