Marriage Bed

Show Up For Your Now

Relationships are always full of transition.

Whether you’re loving your single years and learning to be in a relationship with yourself, or making the most of the dating years with your person, or figuring out that waiting in marriage is a reality you have to contend with on the regular.

Relationships are always full of transition.

So it’s ironic that we spend so much of our lives trying to get from one relationship status to another in a way that suggests that the next status is the ultimate one.

For the single, it becomes an exercise in matchmaking to find the one.

For the dating, life is reduced to a sprint to the altar.

For the married, there’s a never-ending marathon to keep up with the Joneses in everything from lifestyle to children to fancy online facades.

Here’s a healthy dose of the obvious: your next relationship status is not IT.

It’s not what will finally make you happy and fulfilled with your life.  

Far from it.

The equation is: Godliness + contentment = great gain and not: Godliness + great gain = contentment.

Rev. Sarah Muendo

The strongest chains are never the ones that others put on us, but rather the ones we place on ourselves. And I think discontentment is the biggest self-imposed prison of all. Because no matter how good you have it, it’s never enough. Worse still, you don’t even realize just how good you do have it.

Conversations about relationships typically put the burden of success (and failure) on the other person – the knight in shining armour who’s yet to show up, the prince charming who’s wooing you (or at least, supposed to be doing so), the ultimate king who wins your heart and keeps it.

Yet, the buck largely stops with us. What we choose to do with what we have, and what we don’t.

The work it takes to build successful relationships – with yourself and your partner – requires you to recognize the intrinsic value that exists to begin with.

If you don’t, you’ll end up tossing rocks away not realizing that with a bit of time and polishing you’d have gorgeous diamonds in your hands.

Your being single isn’t issue. Your devaluing your single years is.

Your dating relationship and your partner aren’t necessarily the issue. Chances are your outlook about your what you’re dating life is supposed to be is hindering you from seeing and appreciating all that it already abundantly is.

Your marriage and spouse aren’t necessarily the problem. If I had a megaphone and could only say one thing about marriage repeatedly, it’d be – give yourself permission to be where you are as a married person and as a married couple. It takes time to get the hang of things. It takes time to get better at married stuff. It takes time to learn to love one another better…and to find rest in the truth that the learning will never stop.

We can’t expect others to applaud our lives when we don’t even appreciate what we have right here, right now.

Who else will love your life – and the crazy, messy whirlwind it is – if not you?

Who else will love your dating relationship…and your partner – strengths, flaws and quirks– if not you?

Who else will love your marriage…and your spouse – silly conversations, difficult adulting decisions and everything mundane in between – if not you?

Don’t let a good life pass you by while you wait for a perfect one that will only ever exist in your imagination.

Show up for your now.


God-Made Woman

The entrance and unfolding of Your words give light; their unfolding gives understanding (discernment and comprehension) to the simple.

Psalm 119:130 AMPC

It feels like everywhere I look women are being championed to greatness.

Sure there’s all the usual anti-women junk but the pro-women stuff seems to be getting louder and louder with each passing day.

We’re in the era of self-made women.

And in the vast and treacherous sea of all the ways the world has found to make women less than ______, being a self-made woman sounds like a gloriously freeing reality. One that any woman would be insane not to aspire to.

Indeed, it would be the perfect ideal…if self made woman. But self didn’t make woman. Self doesn’t make woman.

God did. God still does.

God made woman.

God made women.

With all this self-made women rhetoric, I find myself constantly asking – what does it mean to be a God-made woman?

What does it mean for me as a woman…as a Christian woman…in this progressive age to find my identity in eternity-old divinity?

It only takes one degree of error on a compass to land you thousands of miles from where you were supposed to be.

It only takes one degree of error in the midst of ninety-nine degrees of truth to create a version of you that is nothing like who you’re supposed to be.

I have no qualms admitting that Christianity hasn’t always been the best home for women to find their place in life. Particularly when the version of Christianity in question is one that defines God, woman and their relationship through the warped lens of self.

I also have no qualms admitting that Christians – both men and women – have used the word of God against women – when it should have been used for God’s purpose for women.

Yes, there has been much wrong.

So. Much. Wrong.

Actually, the older I get, the more I accept just how little I truly know and understand about God, life and humanity. All the more, I never want to be so wise in my own sight that there is no room for the understanding that the Spirit of God brings.

So this is what I do know.

God loves me.

God loves women.

God wants His absolute best for each of us as women.

Just because the world…and the Church…and the Christians…haven’t always done such a great job taking care of us doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to do a perfect one in their place.

Best case scenario is that we get a reality that’s better.

Yet, having a good life and having a God life are nowhere near the same.

God’s best isn’t something that we can put in a set of templates that we find fitting based on our dreams and preferences. It’s infinitely far more precious than our ability as women to imagine and establish it.

I can’t settle for a self-created version of a good life knowing I can never outdo God’s love for me.

But I sure can embrace His love each day as His goodness and His mercy chase me down.  

I can put my hand in His and let Him lead the way to a life that is beyond my wildest dreams.

As I count all the ways I am blessed to be woman, and cherished as His.