Earlier this year, my girl – Koki Oyuke – published a book aptly
titled: Chosen Not Cheated. This month, my posts are a tribute to her book (and
life) message. More details on the book after the post.
“Not denied, just in between floors.” Koki Oyuke (Chosen Not Cheated – Chapter 8)
Romance is a billion-dollar
industry. From the music to the books to the movies and everything in between, products
and services that are believed to enable or enhance relationships.
I think this is because of the
innate need and desire we have to love and be loved. Whether we want to admit
or not, the numbers don’t lie. It’s not aliens spending all that money on
The premise of this industry is
the promise of happiness and fulfillment in your relationship.
But if you’ve been reading this
blog, then you know I write a lot about (God’s) purpose for relationships.
These two things – happiness and
purpose – can often seem at odds with each other in conversations about God and
Christian relationships tend to get
a bad reputation because of the notion that we have to choose between God’s
will or happiness, because we can never both.
Nothing could be further from the
God chooses us for purpose in our relationships, but that doesn’t mean He’s cheated us out of joy.
The part we fail to see is all
the ways our joy is intricately tied to and catered for in His purpose for us.
It’s difficult to trust God with
your relationship status – whether you’re single, dating or married – if you don’t
truly believe He has your best interests at heart.
It’s difficult to respect the
boundaries He sets for you and heed the counsel He sends your way if you think
He’s looking for a way to short change you.
This tug between purpose and fulfillment
is not a new struggle for us as human beings. It’s been there from the very
beginning with Adam and Eve in Eden.
Did God really say…?
Did God really mean…?
You will not die if you…
You will be like God and know good if you…
These age-old seeds of doubt have
found their way into our hearts pining for love.
If God really loves me, He will instantly gratify my relationship needs
We’ve been lied to and in our
ignorance and frustration we’ve accepted that lie.
The lie that causes us to
question God’s love for us in the first place, and then put conditions on that
love in a bid to coerce God to prove its existence.
“Anything you don’t confront, will destroy you.” Bishop John Gobanga
The issue isn’t that we have questions
and doubts about how God will handle the relationship aspect of our lives. It’s
what we do with those questions and doubts that makes the difference.
God loves you. It’s a truth you
have to choose to believe. No one can believe it for you.
God wants the best for you. It’s
a truth you have to choose to believe. No can believe it for you.
Whatever is keeping you from
believing these truths, you need to address.
Because what the world and the
romance industry hardly tells us is that relationships take work to work.
First, our relationship with God,
which for us as Christians, serves as the foundation of every other
relationship we have, including a romantic one.
Then our relationship with our future
(for the single) or current (for the dating or married) partner.
There are no quick fixes and easy
Relationships take work. They’re a lifelong journey and it helps a ton to have the right company along for the ride.
So I encourage you to consider Koki’s book as a companion. In Chosen Not Cheated, she shares a lot about her relationship and marriage and how to practically journey in this area without losing sight of what matters; and how to find your way back should you lose yourself. From how God brought her and her husband, David, together, to planning a wedding while they were both jobless at the time, to clinging to faith through miscarriages. And a whole lot of laughter and adventures all through. The stories she shares are real and raw and they’ll give you a glimpse of what it means to pursue God’s purpose for relationship and marriage in the good, the bad and the ugly. If you’ve been looking for someone to hold your hand as you work through your doubts, fears and disappointments, get this book.