The Marriage Bed: An Introduction

“Marriage is a revolution.”

– Koki Oyuke

I’ve been blogging on and off since 2009-2010; which means I’ve written about a whole variety of topics over the years.

Unsurprisingly, my most popular post to date is: Marrying The Perfect Guy.

Granted there were those who probably just read it for the tea. HA!

But there’s something to be said for the import we place on matters relationship.

Romance is often one of the highest grossing genres in the media industry (books, television and film). Even gossip sites go into a coverage frenzy over who’s dating who and what are the latest #couplegoals.

As human beings we seem to have an innate curiosity concerning relationships, everything from finding “the one” to happily ever after; the degree of interest may vary from one person to the next, but it’s there.

When it comes to Christians, I think that sometimes we emphasize so much on what people are not supposed to do, that we hardly talk about what they can do and what they should do. As a result, we have believers looking for that guidance where it’s more readily available – the world.

I’m thankful for the voices that have been there and those that are coming up to tackle this. But there’s still so much room for more to be said given how vast an area love and romance is; how deep God’s heart and mind over the same goes.

So once a month (every 3^rd Tuesday), I’m going to dedicate a post to all things love.

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What is the marriage bed?

Simply put – it’s a place of intimacy.

Intimacy can exist in all phases of life – whether you’re single, dating or married. What changes with seasons is the expression of it.

My all-time favourite definition of intimacy is into-me-see.

Because that’s what it comes down to. Being seen, being known, being loved. By God. By self. By others. Each one integral to the well-being of the whole.

The marriage bed holds what you put in it. But just because it fits in there, doesn’t automatically mean it’s meant to be there.

Your Mind

Who do you see yourself as a single person?

Have you allowed the rest of the world to speak into your current season however they please? Or are you clear on the intentionality of God even in this season of your life? If your singlehood isn’t defined by God, you’ll be easily swayed by people’s opinions.

Who do you see yourself as in the context of a dating relationship?

It’s ironic that we often pay so much attention on who the other person should be that we forget to check whether we’re bringing anything worthwhile to the table. We’re more concerned about the effort the other person is making than the areas of growth we have yet to work on. Don’t miss the forest for the trees by being more keen on the speck in someone else’s eye when your eyes are drowning in logs.

Who do you see God as in the context of a romantic relationship?

Many Christians struggle to include God in their romance because He was never there to begin with. He wasn’t in your singlehood (other than the occasional desperate prayer to bring someone your way). He wasn’t part of the choice you made to date someone. He wasn’t part of the choices you made in the relationship. He wasn’t part of the decision to get married. He was quickly mentioned in the pre-marital counseling you may have had. He was likely made reference to at your wedding. And now His role in your marriage is ambiguous at best. Yet the first institution we see in the Bible – brought forth by God Himself – is marriage.

What are your thoughts concerning love and relationships?

Where did you get them from?

It’s said that as a person thinketh so are they. We are the product of our thoughts.

If our thoughts concerning love and relationships are primarily from the world, then our relationships will look just like the world’s. But if our thoughts are inspired by the Holy Spirit, then our relationships will be full of His fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control).

If in your singleness, dating or marriage this fruit isn’t evident, then you need to reevaluate who’s been your source thus far.

Your Heart

Aka the scape goat for all things love and romance.

The world often tells us that we have no control over the desires of our hearts.

I believe that submission to the heart and mind of God, to His Lordship, is a choice we get to make every day as believers. It is a choice that includes every part of our being, including our hearts.

This is not to say that we ignore what’s going on in our hearts.

On the contrary. Emotions are powerful indicators that tell us how well/badly we’re doing. The issue comes in when we allow indicators to become dictators. When we recklessly follow how we feel, rather than processing how we feel in the presence of God.

As Christians, there will be seasons and situations, where we have to choose to run after the truth of God and allow our emotions to catch up with us as we go. Allowing the change in environment to breath anew to our hearts and give us the change in perspective we need to handle our emotions. You’d be surprised what a change of internal scenery can do for the soul.

All this boils down to trust. Do we trust God’s leading more than we trust our own sense of direction? Do we trust that He knows better than we do what’s best for us?

Do we trust our Heavenly Father who holds the whole world in His hands, with our hearts?

Your Will

Good intentions don’t count for much if they’re not backed up by wise actions.

Many of us hide behind I-don’t-know-what-to-do or I-don’t-know-how-to-do-this when in actual sense we do know what to do and how to do it, we just don’t want to.

It’s easier to hide behind inability than willful abandon of what needs to get done.

There are many of us who just need to put our adult pants on and obey what God has repeatedly told us we need to do.

I don’t place much weight on what people say they think or believe. Saying stuff isn’t all that hard.

The true test comes in their actions.

I don’t have to be present in your life to know what you’re doing.

Once again, your fruit will tell me. If it’s of the Spirit then I’ll know who has the reign on your will.

Put your actions where you say your faith is.

If you don’t, it’s a clear sign that you actually don’t have faith at all.

Because faith without action is dead in the water.

Your Spirit

The Spirit of God reveals all truth to the spirit of men.

All truth includes that which pertains to romance.

We miss out on a lot of divine revelation when we ignore the spiritual side to romance.

Often times we think we have to give up one for the other.

But Christian romance doesn’t have to be lame or boring.

The Holy Spirit is a master at wooing us. If our romance sucks, it’s because there’s a revelation of Him we’ve yet to tap into.

We need to let go of this religious mindset that tells us that God is too holy to talk to about our feelings, crushes, sex and everything in between.

It is because He is holy that we need to turn to Him so He can teach us how to model His image in these areas.

Your mind. Your heart. Your will. Your spirit. These four things make up your marriage bed and feed into it. Whatever seeds you plant in them will flourish in your life and bear fruit for all to see.

What’s in your marriage bed?